


Quickly Moving Towards a Storm

by saltypoet



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers
Genre: Anxiety, Avengers - Freeform, Bucky Barnes - Freeform, Bucky Feels, Bucky needs a hug, Comfort, Feels, Friendship, Gen, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Marvel - Freeform, One-Shot, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Stucky - Freeform, Stucky if you squint, bucky has anxiety too, bucky has ptsd, buckys not having a good time, dont worry tho he gets one from steve, mother hen!steve, natasha (mentioned) - Freeform, pre-slash stucky, steve is a helpful friend, steve is a mom friend, steve rogers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-18 21:54:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9404618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltypoet/pseuds/saltypoet
Summary: As they're uncovering Hydra's past plans for Bucky, Steve has to remind him that they can once and for all destroy Hydra, together.





	

**Author's Note:**

> salut! this is my first stucky/avenger/marvel fic, so any constructive criticism is welcome! i don't have a beta, so any mistakes are mine. enjoy! :)
> 
> ((title is from tøp - forest))

Bucky felt the familiar lightheadedness as Natasha was reading off the words, her pronunciation perfect. The room started to blur, and he gave a sharp tug on Steve's sleeve as he hurriedly stood.

"I'll be right back," he mumbled, his eyes glazed. He rushed gracefully out of the room, closing the door behind him, and stumbled down the hallway until his back hit a wall. He grimaced, trying not to think about Hydra and what they did to him, and he pressed the back of his hand over his mouth.

"Bucky?"

Bucky flinched, sliding down the wall and hitting the floor with a dull thud. He wrapped his arms around his knees, burying his head in the crook of his elbow.

"Buck, are you okay?"

It was Steve, who had followed him outside, because he's always concerned about everyone. Bucky gave a small, sad smile.

_Damn mother hen._

Steve sat beside the black and grey ball of soldier on the floor, gently tugging on the hood of Bucky's sweatshirt.

"Hey, what happened?" Bucky snorted, looking up at Steve, his face dangerously pale.

"Hydra happened, Steve." Steve's eyes flashed with worry but he kept his expression carefully blank.

"What do you mean?"

Bucky took a deep breath. It was hard to keep up this cocky, 'I-don't-care' facade when he was recruited to a mission of his worst nightmare. It was a hard facade to keep up, period, especially for him. He also knew that Steve just wanted to get him to talk about Hydra, so that he could 'help.'

"Those words, they uh-" Bucky faltered. He tightened his grip around his knees, and Steve waited patiently.

"Those words are the ones that Hydra use - used," he corrected himself quickly, glancing at Steve, then he continued. "To turn me into the Winter Soldier."

That made Steve's expression change.

"What?"

Bucky let out a small sigh. "You heard me."

Steve was mulling over the information and how to somehow find a solution, but Bucky could feel his helplessness and anxiety rising. He couldn't not think about Hydra and everything bad when his mission was dealing with Hydra. He was horribly unprepared for this and honestly had no clue how to deal with the situation. So he did the only thing he knew how to do, and that was to lash out at people.

"Fuck, you knew this would happen, Steve!" He exclaimed, running a hand through his hair. "You knew that somehow Hydra would track me down again!"

Steve looked taken aback.

"How was I supposed to know? All Natasha told me about the mission was that we were dealing with a bad group of people. I obviously didn't think about Hydra, we'd already dealt with them, I thought they were done!"

"They're _never_ done," Bucky snarled, unsteadily getting to his feet, his face still unnaturally pale. "They keep going, because they don't care about each other or any other person, they care about the goal. They care about ruining things."

Steve stood as well, concern for his friend showing blatantly in his face.

"Bucky, it's fine, we're dealing with them right now. You don't have to-"

"Don't have to what, Steve? Worry about getting captured again? Worry about being endlessly tortured again?" He turned, his back to Steve. "Worry about killing you again?" He whispered.

Steve scoffed lightly, rolling his eyes playfully, trying to lighten the mood.

"What do you mean, again? You never killed me in the first place!"

"Simulations, Steve!" Bucky almost shouted, "Simulations of me, killing you. Every time. In every way." Bucky had started talking about Hydra, and now it would be very hard for Steve to stop him.

"They would put me in those for days at a time, over and over, to get it ingrained in my mind that you are my mission, and _I have to destroy you."_ His voice got quieter and quieter with every word.

"Then afterwards t-they would beat me with every weapon you could imagine, and it never stopped, it never stopped." Steve could barely hear Bucky now, so he took a soft step forward. Bucky flinched hard.

"I can't do that again, Steve, I really can't." His eyes were wild, his fingers tangled painfully in his hair and his back still to Steve. "I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't, I can't, I can't..." It was a mantra, a mantra of panic and helplessness and every other thing that Bucky was feeling. His breathing sped up until he was practically panting, hyperventilating, the panic taking hold. Steve took action, placing a firm hand on Bucky's shoulder and spinning him around to face him. Bucky didn't - couldn't - meet his eyes, so Steve lowered his head to meet Bucky's, pulling his friend's hands gently out of his hair. Bucky was still repeating the words, over and over, his chest heaving.

"Bucky," Steve said firmly. Bucky stopped speaking. "Breathe."

Bucky shook his head frantically, staring like a caged animal into Steve's eyes.

"Bucky," Steve said again, more gentle. "Breathe."

Bucky tried, slightly unsuccessfully, and managed to suck in a shallow gasp of air.

"Hey, that's better, now try again." Steve led him back to the wall and he practically fell onto it, slumping to the floor. Steve joined him, sitting beside him and placing a gentle hand under the neck of Bucky's shirt, just under his collarbone.

"Breathe, you're fine," Steve said, his voice low and soothing. Bucky leaned his head back on the wall, his face hiding no emotions, a portrait of exhausted pain. He was finally able to take deeper breaths, and he did for a while. They were both silent in the hallway, just two boys together, one a bit more broken than the other, but both meaning more to each other than either could imagine.

Steve's hand stayed on Bucky's chest the whole time, not moving. Finally Bucky took a deep, shuddering breath, glancing at Steve. Steve looked back at him.

"Alright?" He asked, simply. Bucky didn't move.

"Sorry."

"Don't apologise. It's okay. I'm always here to help." Bucky met Steve's cornflower-blue eyes.

"And I'm with you 'till the end of the line."

Bucky cracked a smile for the first time in a month. It was a small smile, a sad smile, a broken smile, but a smile nonetheless. Steve smiled back, a lopsided grin, and removed his hand from Bucky's chest. They sat for a moment in silence, until Bucky's smile grew and he huffed out a breathless laugh. Steve looked at him, incredulous, as Bucky's laughing grew until he was hysterical.

"Um...Buck?"

Bucky fell sideways, laying on his back on the floor, still giggling.

"Oh my god, I'm crying. That's hilarious." He swiped his finger under his eyes, looking at Steve.

"What?"

"You just...well you were...what's so funny?"

Bucky closed his eyes. "I just had a full-blown panic attack over a bunch of fuckin' words-"

"Language, Buck," Steve murmured halfheartedly,

"-some _words_ , when I used to be the most feared assassin on this shitty planet. Words, Steve, I'm fuckin'-" he scoffed. "That's just stupid."

"Well hey, it's not stupid, it's just how you reacted when you found out that Hydra is tracking you," Steve said logically.

Bucky gave him a look.

"But it's still pretty dumb. I shouldn't be scared of them anymore, I could kill all of them with one hand." He waved his metal hand in the air pointedly.

"I shouldn't be scared, but I am, because they still have power over me." He sighed. "Because of those fucking words." He looked sideways at the pattern of tile on the floor, slowly starting to fall into the depressed spiral of shitty thoughts.

"Hey."

Bucky looked up, meeting soft blue eyes and a small grin. "You're gonna be okay. I promise." Bucky smiled back, a small, hesitant smile. Then he broke out laughing again, pushing Steve.

"Don't use those damn puppy eyes on me Steve, goddamnit!"

Steve cackled, getting to his feet. Once he regained control over his laughter, he offered a hand to Bucky with a grin and a fire in his eyes.

"Come on, let's destroy Hydra. You and me."

Bucky grinned back, accepting the hand, and was pulled off of the floor.

"Together?" he asked, locking eyes with Steve.

"Of course." Steve pulled Bucky into a hug, letting him go after a few moments.

"Let's head back, yeah?"

Bucky let out a breath, glancing up at Steve with a small smile.

"Yeah."

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! if anyone wants me to add chapters to this, pls just let me know!


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